Habits To Break

Before You’re 30

“Old habits die hard. If you don’t kick them, they kick you.”

In 4 months, I am turning 30, and I know for many hitting a certain age can be nerve-wracking and can make people FREAK OUT. For me, I find excitement in seeing what more life has to offer me. My 20s, like with most people, were about figuring my shit out; learning who I am, what I stand for, what my purpose is. It was a crazy roller coaster of making a shit ton of mistakes and growing from them. While I know I don’t have EVERYTHING figured out, and there won’t be anyone who will, the older we get the wiser we become. We learn what works and what habits lead us to trouble.

“Old habits die hard. If you don’t kick them, they kick you.”

The beautiful thing about habits is you can change them. While it takes work and time it could lead you to live your best life. Everything we do now will set our path to mediocrity or greatness is up to us which we take.

Comparing

I wish this was taught at a far younger age. We should never compare ourselves or our lives to anyone else’s, especially to people on social media. I say this often, SOCIAL MEDIA IS SUCH A LIE! People will never put their dirt on there, they all want to look as though everything is perfect. That’s why we all follow them, their lifestyles enchant us. While you can use this for inspiration, let’s be real we just put ourselves down because of it. Ugh, she has the body I want, the house I only dream of living in, the vacations I will never take, blah, blah, blah… It’s just negativity towards you and the things you have worked so hard to have right now. Instead of learning to love yourself and having gratitude for the things you have, you just beat yourself up. STOP IT! Comparing will never get you any of those things they have or make you who they are. Also, you shouldn’t want to be them. You should want to be you. No other person will be on the same journey. Enjoy yours and don’t let what you see on social media steal your joy from you.

Putting Yourself Down

This goes with the topic about comparison. When you’re playing the comparing game, there is only one place you lead yourself, and that’s to self-destruction. They say, “you are your own worst critic,” but what if you get out of your own way and allow positivity to flow through you. The way you see yourself will reflect in the people you surround yourself with, how you allow others to treat you, and what you accept in your life. Remember, you only accept the things you feel you deserve. If you keep putting yourself down, you’re not allowing positive things into your life. Enjoy where you are in your journey and love who you are all while creating the life you dream of and growing through it all.  

Not Doing What You Love

This is big! You are still so young, there is no reason to settle for ordinary. Dream big, reach as high as you can and don’t be afraid to do it. The only thing that prevents us from pursuing things in life is fear. But guess what, you are still SO YOUNG! If during the pursuit of your dream life you stumble, you have so much time to pick yourself back up and continue going.

You know that life you were envying or comparing your life to? Well, make it yours! Put in the work and just do it. There are so many people who have intense passions in life but are settling for a normal 9-5 because it is safe. Do you want to be safe or do you want to live the life you have always dreamed of?

Everyone wants to live a certain lifestyle but either are too afraid to reach for it or just don’t want to put in the time and effort to have it. Y’all it is reachable! You can have it if you want it bad enough.

Now, maybe you are already pursuing your dream career and love the job you have. Maybe you are already living in your dream home or have your dream car. Some people have hobbies they have always wanted to try. Some people have places they have always wanted to see. Whatever it is. Make time for it and make it happen consistently. Do you want to take on baking? Bake something every week. Do you want to take on strength training? Go to the gym 4-5 times a week. Do you want to go on more vacations? Go yearly and save up for it through the year. Anything is attainable!

Eating Out For All Meals

I’m not going to sit here and pretend I don’t enjoy not having to cook or eating from one of my favorite restaurants, BUT there is still nothing better than a home-cooked meal. First off, it saves you money.  Second, you will have much more control over what goes into your food. It is easier to eat healthy when you are cooking it yourself.

Not taking care of your skin

It is so important, even in your 20s, to prioritize skincare. If you don’t take care of it now, you will regret it in the future. It is much more work and much more costly to reverse damage to your skin than it is to prevent. It really isn’t even hard. This means:

•                Wash your face every day
•                Never sleep with your makeup on
•                ALWAYS wear sunscreen
•                Moisturize
•                It’s time for eye cream
•                Stop picking at your pimples
•                Drink lots of water
•                Get enough sleep

Everyone’s skin is different so find the products you love and what works what’s best for your skin. It’s ok to try different things until you find the products your skin loves. And trust me, 40/50-year-old you will thank you for it.

Being A Yes Girl

It is OK to say NO! Let me repeat that… IT IS OK TO SAY NO! I know it can be tough sometimes, but you can’t please everyone. And no, it is not selfish. If you truly don’t have the time for it, money for it, or if you just don’t want to do it, then don’t or it becomes a standard. Once it is a standard, you will have a tougher time saying no. Only say yes to the things you want to do and the things that truly bring you joy.

Stop Spending Money Frivolously

Now is the time to save. I know it is much more boring than, “I only have one life to live” so buy those clothes, take as many vacations, etc., it’s practical. While it is ok to buy yourself things, treat yourself, or go on vacation, leaving yourself with nothing in your bank account should stop.

You never know what life will throw at you, so having financial cushion will ensure you will have some security later. I know it is hard to save in your 20s and most want to just live for the moment. Even putting a little away at a month will make a difference.

Keeping Toxic People In Your Life

Toxic people only bring chaos and negativity. These kinds of people, even if they have been your friend since childhood, will drag you down and bring you pain or make you feel small. The people you want to be around are those that lift you up and motivate you to pursue your greatest life. You want people who will nourish your soul. These people are the ones that will believe in you, cushion your falls, and applaud you in every victory.

Flaking On Plans

Like I said above, don’t be a yes girl. If you don’t want to go, then don’t say you will. Flaking on plans is much worse than just saying no upfront. You will look unreliable, and that is a way to lose good friendships. Also, if you respect other people’s time you won’t let them plan around you. If you have a valid reason to not go, at least try not doing it a couple of hours before.

Feeling Guilty

I hear “sorry” way too often. I know you’ve sent the “Sorry for the late reply” text before. There is no reason to apologize for responding later, the whole point of texting is to respond when you can. Why are you feeling guilty for being busy? For being tired? For not wanting to go out on the weekend to save money? You don’t need to justify why you do things or don’t do things. Cut back on throwing the word sorry around and not feel bad when you do whatever is best for you.

Running Late

Ok, this is a tough one, but if you can accomplish it, you will live a much more stress-free life. I know it happens; I get it, and I have been late before, but if you are doing it constantly, it is definitely time to change that.

Time is so valuable and once it is wasted, there is no getting it back. Being late is so disrespectful, and it shows a disregard for other people. This one will take time, but it can be resolved. You know how much time you need to get to where you need to be and how long you take to get ready. You can time things appropriately.  

Living Life In Your Phone

This! It seems like no matter where you go, everyone’s noses are buried in a screen. If you’re alone, and that’s what you do, it’s all good, but when you’re around other people, you should be giving them the attention they deserve. To me there is nothing more annoying than having a conversation with someone and they pick up their phone. It shows a lack of interest and just downright rude.

Always being on your phone also makes you miss out on time with those you love and on experiences. I get it; you want capture moments, but taking a picture then spending time on editing it, creating the perfect caption, adding hashtags, posting it, and scrolling through your feed is just excessive. When you put your phone down, you will realize how much life and joy you are missing out on.

Complaining About Getting Older

You aren’t getting any younger, and complaining about it will not take back years. Enjoy where you are in life. Don’t be mortified, instead celebrate it.

30 IS the END of your YOUTH and it is not a bad thing. From here on, it only gets better. This is when you have gone through all the bullshit of our 20s, and now you’re upgrading to your flirty 30s. You’re experienced enough to avoid the bullshit and young enough to still enjoy your life and do whatever it is you want to.  

Are you close to your 30s? How are you feeling about it? Do you think you’ve kicked these habits already? Do you think there should be more added to the list?

Flawed and STILL Worthy

5 Ways To Fall In Love With You

Hi Beautiful Friends!

I am going to be thirty years old this year, and I am now just truly figuring out how to love myself fully. I’ve gone through the stages of thinking I already did love myself with the confidence I faked to full-on breaking myself down going through all the reasons I am not enough for anything. For years I allowed the lies of others, experiences, and the enemy, the universe, the whatever it is you believe in to live in me and make me look down on myself. Here’s a secret, we have full control of it! Let me share with you all how.

Before we get into the how-to, let’s talk about what happens when you don’t truly love yourself.

• We’ve all heard people say, “you can’t love someone, without loving yourself.” I stand by this, because how can you show another person the love they deserve when you don’t even know what love is supposed to feel or look like? You can’t. No matter what you do, even in the most genuine of efforts, the peace that lacks in your heart will rub off on other people.

• You will live your life constantly comparing yourself to others. As you are comparing, you will also find yourself full of envy or even judgment as that is the way you justify why you don’t have what others have.

• You will be in constant need of others’ acceptance and praise as it is where you find some value and false confidence.

• When you don’t love yourself, you also miss out on so many opportunities. Not applying for a job because you thought you weren’t good enough, not taking on a task that could have landed you a raise or promotion because you thought you couldn’t accomplish it, not finding genuine friends because you surround yourself with like minded negative people.

• Your relationships don’t last. You’re relationships, no matter how genuine you are about being in them, can only go as far as you think you are worth. Even if you are with someone good for you, if you don’t feel like you are worthy of them you will self sabotage even without knowing it. This is also how you end up in bad relationships. You take the bad ways you are treated and either allow it to feed your self deprecation or feel like it is what you deserve.

Ok, now let’s get into it but let me add this disclaimer. Self-love is a lifelong process and will not solve every problem you have, make things perfect, or help you find the love of your life. It will however help you deal with life with a newfound perspective and find different ways of coping with the struggles it can throw at us.

Acceptance and Deciding to Love Yourself

This is such an important step, as you will not be able to move forward without first breaking that denial and fully committing to finding that love. This commitment isn’t to anyone except to you! Promise yourself that no matter how difficult, no matter what life will throw at you, no matter if you fuck up something that you will not stop trying! The biggest thing is the effort you put out, and even if you fall, you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and say “It didn’t go my way but I still love myself, I am still worthy, I am still enough!”

Finding the Root

Knowing where your insecurities are stemming from is also an important step as it will tell you what to avoid and help break the lies that were engrained in your heart. Make a list and follow it up with your truth. Our roots can come from so many things: perfectionist parents, bad relationships or friendships, a failure in school or at work, the list can go on… Just know that we can break those lies and we give them their power to control us.

Me Time

Life is busy, but you have to set time aside just for you. This is where you can read, Netflix, do yoga, meditate, journal, do whatever it is that you want or what brings you happiness and calm. It doesn’t matter how much time you set aside as long as you set sometime strictly for you where you can focus on yourself and what you love. This is also the time where you get to dedicate to learning yourself. For some of you, you don’t even know what brings you joy anymore.

Your wants and needs

If you are like me, you set the things you want and need to the side for others. You make sure everyone else is taken care of but completely neglect yourself. Well, STOP IT! You are as important as everyone else in your life and you deserve to get your wants and needs met. Sit yourself down, and genuinely think about what it is that you are needing and go do it!

Your Thoughts and Others

You have to be mindful of the way you think and change the way you speak to yourself. As women we are, for some reason, tuned to be critical of all aspects of ourselves and we are so much meaner than anyone else can be. When you catch yourself making a negative comment, switch it up to something positive, something you are grateful for.

Also, watch who you hang out with. If you are around negative people, their negativity will rub off on you also. Surround yourself with positivity always so you can feed it your mind, heart, and soul. Remember even if someone has been your friend for years, doesn’t mean they want the best for you. If someone in your life is constantly pushing you down or judging you, they DON’T want the best for you. These people are NOT your friends, your tribe…avoid them!

Look Good, Feel Good

The smallest effort, can make the biggest impact. When I am not feeling awesome about myself, sometimes just putting on a cute outfit and actually trying helps bring my mood up. Same with doing my hair or makeup. When you put even the slightest effort, you are telling yourself you are worth that. 

Progress Not Perfection

Remember that this is a lifelong practice. We need to live in this because loving yourself isn’t an end goal as it can fluctuate or change. All that matters is that you are trying and you can pick yourself back up and continue on when you fall.

Ladies, we are all flawed in our own ways but each of us is and always will be worthy! Read that again… YOU ARE FLAWED AND STILL WORTHY! You are more than enough, no matter what someone tells you or what experiences made you feel. YOU. ARE. ENOUGH. Push the thoughts that you are not pretty enough, not smart enough, not skinny enough, not worthy enough and replace it with I LOVE MYSELF, I AM WORTHY, and I AM ENOUGH. If you are a Christian, like me, remind yourself who you belong to. God loves you and made you in his image, you are his daughter and you, my dear, you are made with greatness!