We have a choice of whether we deepen our relationships or break them.
The quarantine to help prevent the spread of the Coronavirus has pushed many of us to spend more time, like 24/7 all the time, with our partners. I have seen so many memes and posts on social media regarding couples arguing or divorces happening because of Covid-19. One of them said, “People are talking about the number of babies being born in 9 months and I’m over here thinking about all the divorce rates.” There have also been many videos of couples acting out their days during quarantine, and as the days went on, they fought and argued. According to an article in globalnews.ca, “In China, where the COVID-19 outbreak first began, divorce rates are rising after couples were forced into mandatory lockdown together to prevent the virus’ spread.”
Whether you are both working from home, both not working, or one of you doing one or the other, being locked down together means learning to parent, work, and function together ALL DAY long. This kind of interaction can lead to the deterioration of any relationship. BUT, it doesn’t have to! We have a choice of whether we deepen our relationships or break them. While I don’t have a perfect relationship, who does, and we argue about stupid shit and get annoyed with each other, managing our relationship during this time was much easier than I thought it would be. How do you keep from being a statistic once the quarantine lifts? How can you turn this into a positive thing for your relationship? How do you maintain your sanity?
Communication
Keeping an open and healthy dialogue with your partner is so important, not just during this time, but definitely when you have to be together all the time. Talking about what is bothering you and finding solutions before it can become an actual issue is so important. Don’t hold it in and don’t ignore it or it will just blow up in your faces. Trust me, if you let it build, the fight will be massive. When you speak about your concerns, needs, and wants to respond with understanding and love instead of defense. Remember, you guys are a team, so you guys need to resolve matters together.
Patience
More than ever, we need to practice patience with our partners. Yea, I know they’re super annoying. Yes, he is such a mess… he left his dirty laundry next to the hamper, he left one mug in the sink rather than in the dishwasher, he’s eating up all the snacks, he’s obnoxiously chewing, he’s farting everywhere, so much yelling while he’s playing video games, and all the car YouTube videos and Twitch videos… girl, I know! Breathe and approach it with love. Let him know what is causing your irritation and respect, that there are things that he is doing that is also bringing him comfort during this time. All of this is temporary and both partners need to find understanding for each other more than ever. Try to remember you still love that big slob of yours.
Space and Schedules
I can not emphasize this enough. YOU BOTH NEED SPACE! Yes, you’re stuck at home in pajamas all day, but to maintain normalcy you should keep your schedules as close to the same as you can. When you wake up, when you work out, when you get work done, when you clean, when you cook dinner, etc. In your schedules, put time aside for me time and for time together. Just because you are sharing the same vicinity doesn’t mean you need to literally be together all day. For me and Josh, we learned to make time for things we enjoy and brings us joy as individuals. Whether or not we are locked down at home, we should be prioritizing some form of self-care of our mental health. Then we spend our time together as soon as the kids go down for bed and catch up on our favorite shows or watch a new movie. ALONE time is so important and absolutely possible during quarantine, you just need to find your routine.
Liven It Up
I know real date nights aren’t a thing at the moment, but you can do indoor dates. Set a night, order takeout, get dressed, and spend intentional time together. If you have kids, do this when the kids go down for bed. If your kids sleep late… well… it’ll be an early bedtime that night. It won’t kill the kids to not have a night when they don’t get their way, plus that rest is good for them. Try new things. You can try a new show, new board games, new video games, a new workout, or a new thing in bed. Get sexy with your partner. I know anxiety and stress can decrease libido, but sex can also relieve it. Find something you both will find excitement in and enjoy together to keep the good vibes circulating in your relationship.
It is already a stressful time in the world. We have so much to worry about, the last thing any of us need is to worry about divorces or the end of long-term relationships after this. Remind yourself how much you love the person you are with, why you love them, and why the relationship is important to you. Your partner is your rock, the person who you can lean on when our situations are too much to handle. Keep in mind that this situation is temporary, but what you do during this time can affect you in the long-term.
Mella Wines 