How To Not Kill Your Partner During Quarantine

We have a choice of whether we deepen our relationships or break them.

The quarantine to help prevent the spread of the Coronavirus has pushed many of us to spend more time, like 24/7 all the time, with our partners. I have seen so many memes and posts on social media regarding couples arguing or divorces happening because of Covid-19. One of them said, “People are talking about the number of babies being born in 9 months and I’m over here thinking about all the divorce rates.” There have also been many videos of couples acting out their days during quarantine, and as the days went on, they fought and argued. According to an article in globalnews.ca, “In China, where the COVID-19 outbreak first began, divorce rates are rising after couples were forced into mandatory lockdown together to prevent the virus’ spread.”

Whether you are both working from home, both not working, or one of you doing one or the other, being locked down together means learning to parent, work, and function together ALL DAY long. This kind of interaction can lead to the deterioration of any relationship. BUT, it doesn’t have to! We have a choice of whether we deepen our relationships or break them. While I don’t have a perfect relationship, who does, and we argue about stupid shit and get annoyed with each other, managing our relationship during this time was much easier than I thought it would be. How do you keep from being a statistic once the quarantine lifts? How can you turn this into a positive thing for your relationship? How do you maintain your sanity?

Communication

Keeping an open and healthy dialogue with your partner is so important, not just during this time, but definitely when you have to be together all the time. Talking about what is bothering you and finding solutions before it can become an actual issue is so important. Don’t hold it in and don’t ignore it or it will just blow up in your faces. Trust me, if you let it build, the fight will be massive. When you speak about your concerns, needs, and wants to respond with understanding and love instead of defense.  Remember, you guys are a team, so you guys need to resolve matters together.

Patience

More than ever, we need to practice patience with our partners. Yea, I know they’re super annoying. Yes, he is such a mess… he left his dirty laundry next to the hamper, he left one mug in the sink rather than in the dishwasher, he’s eating up all the snacks, he’s obnoxiously chewing, he’s farting everywhere, so much yelling while he’s playing video games, and all the car YouTube videos and Twitch videos… girl, I know! Breathe and approach it with love. Let him know what is causing your irritation and respect, that there are things that he is doing that is also bringing him comfort during this time. All of this is temporary and both partners need to find understanding for each other more than ever. Try to remember you still love that big slob of yours.

Space and Schedules

I can not emphasize this enough. YOU BOTH NEED SPACE! Yes, you’re stuck at home in pajamas all day, but to maintain normalcy you should keep your schedules as close to the same as you can. When you wake up, when you work out, when you get work done, when you clean, when you cook dinner, etc. In your schedules, put time aside for me time and for time together. Just because you are sharing the same vicinity doesn’t mean you need to literally be together all day. For me and Josh, we learned to make time for things we enjoy and brings us joy as individuals. Whether or not we are locked down at home, we should be prioritizing some form of self-care of our mental health. Then we spend our time together as soon as the kids go down for bed and catch up on our favorite shows or watch a new movie. ALONE time is so important and absolutely possible during quarantine, you just need to find your routine.

Liven It Up

I know real date nights aren’t a thing at the moment, but you can do indoor dates. Set a night, order takeout, get dressed, and spend intentional time together. If you have kids, do this when the kids go down for bed. If your kids sleep late… well… it’ll be an early bedtime that night. It won’t kill the kids to not have a night when they don’t get their way, plus that rest is good for them. Try new things. You can try a new show, new board games, new video games, a new workout, or a new thing in bed. Get sexy with your partner. I know anxiety and stress can decrease libido, but sex can also relieve it. Find something you both will find excitement in and enjoy together to keep the good vibes circulating in your relationship.

It is already a stressful time in the world. We have so much to worry about, the last thing any of us need is to worry about divorces or the end of long-term relationships after this. Remind yourself how much you love the person you are with, why you love them, and why the relationship is important to you. Your partner is your rock, the person who you can lean on when our situations are too much to handle. Keep in mind that this situation is temporary, but what you do during this time can affect you in the long-term.

Video Gaming Husband

Hi Beautiful Friends!

For so many video games are a sensitive topic and have negatively affected their marriage.  My husband is a computer gamer and I have always known this and understood. He doesn’t obsessively play and keeps a healthy balance between playing and our time. BUT don’t think it is always perfect. When your partner is a gamer and you aren’t, there will be times you will feel neglected.

I was having one of those needy days, where I just had to have his attention. With the kids being home from school and him working from home; I have been playing the role of teacher, chef, personal assistant, housecleaner, referee, the list goes on. It was starting to build up and needed someone to cater to my needs for a moment. He finished his last meeting and asked if he could play, I said yes BUT I really meant no, but he should have known that…just kidding. Most days it isn’t like this, but there are days when I am needing extra to keep me going, and I get responses like “after this game”, get an irritated response, or just blankness since he isn’t hearing me at all.

After one of those “after this game” moments, I was thinking about the couples that are dealing with the same situation. When does it become too much? Can it be fixed? Statistics show that about 45% of marriages end in divorce, with infidelity and money as top reasons. So, where does gaming play into this? Your husband isn’t pulling a Ben Affleck and flirting with the nanny, so how bad can it get? Now, I am a bit biased as I do enjoy playing video games from time to time, so I understand why he plays.

Understanding

When talking about video games, I hear most women responding with:

“He needs to grow up”

“He needs to give it up”

“He is so childish”

Ok, ladies. Hear me out. Video gaming is a hobby just like your yoga and a stress-reliever just like your Target runs to walk the entire store letting the isles tell you what you need in your cart. Often, when we have a tough, long day we need to find something to unwind and decompress. If we don’t get that, what happens? Angry, crazy wife/mama comes out. Well, our husbands need something to help release also. However, there needs to be a balance, and I hear you when you say you aren’t getting enough from your man.

Be Open and Honest

Speaking about the things you are having problems with is important in a relationship with anything. Often, he doesn’t even realize he is doing anything wrong. Don’t just ignore it but also don’t degrade him. There is no reason to treat him like a child and telling him to grow up. Please don’t steal cables, break consoles, or force him to shut it down. Making him feel bad about the hobbies he chose to help him decompress is never the answer. Doing things aggressively always ends in an argument, then nothing gets resolved. When you want change or effort, he needs to understand where you are coming from. Let him know where you stand and how far it has pushed you.

Is his gaming really the issue?

After talking to him, you both should re-evaluate your issues. I don’t think video games are the true problem. There is something deeper and often isn’t known until you two talk things through. When you are reacting and mad, all you think about is what is preventing you from getting what you need…video games. There is something that is missing that is preventing you from enjoying your marriage.

Are you lacking quality time or physical touch?

Maybe ask him to make intentional time to be with you. To snuggle, smooch, or to just be loved on.

Are you needing help with the house and kids?

Maybe ask him to be more hands-on with the kids and you before he plays his games. Let him know you understand he just got home, but you need him during this time.

Solution:

Set boundaries with each other. Don’t give him ultimatums, allow him to figure out a way to work around giving you what you and your family need around his own. Knowing you are having trouble with his hobby will allow him to fix the situation without making him feel like something that makes him happy is unnecessary. Imagine if he asked you to give up Target, Yoga, Outlander or the Handmaid’s Tale.

Calm In The Chaos

The Coronavirus has caused so much craziness in our world, and it has brought so much terror and anxiety in many of us. I want to take the time out to tell everyone to STOP, BREATH, and HAVE FAITH. I understand the reasons for everyone’s concerns but let’s try and adjust our perspectives to help bring a little peace in the midst of the pandemonium.

Fear is a normal reaction to events in the world like this, however, being consumed by that fear and allowing it to make us react irrationally taking away our joy in the world is not an appropriate reaction. There is no virus that will ever be more dangerous than our mindsets. Fear causes more turmoil in an already difficult situation and will cause more negativity and worse outcomes than any virus can. We need to stop, reassess everything, and start moving in a direction of faith and positivity. We need to stop fighting over toilet paper, being afraid to talk to our neighbors and find faith that there is a higher power protecting us or faith that things are being done that need to be done to lower the spread of the virus. There are things we can’t control and that isn’t something we need to worry about, as there is nothing we can do about it, but we can control our reactions. We need to stay well informed but where we get our information matters, and if we can’t control our minds maybe we should stay away from Facebook groups that will only feed into our panic.

We can all find gratitude in all our situations:

• We get a chance to reconnect with our families. We live fast-paced lives and often only have a couple of hours a day with those we love, if we even have that. With schools closing, people working from home or having to call off, and sports events and all our kids’ extracurricular activities being canceled this is our chance to spend intentional time with them.
• Leaning on our communities for help, unifying all of us. We are all in need, some more than others, but we have a chance to be a community united and willing to help each other. Though I have witnessed people fighting over toilet paper, I have also seen people offering their services to help the elderly and immune-compromised, parent’s offering formula, diapers, wipes, and food for family’s that either can’t afford the supplies or can’t access them as shelves are being cleaned out, and people offering services to parents who are being pushed into the homeschooling world.
• Getting a chance to look within and take care of ourselves. We have time to read that book we always wanted to, spend time or call our families, or meditate/pray. To get a much needed reset that many of us don’t have a chance to do. We are all so used to having to be social, this is our time to focus on ourselves, our minds, our hearts, and our souls.   

We can all get through this!